I picked this book up for two reasons.
1. I’ve long loved Dan Save and have been a big fan of his sex advice column Savage Love since … before it was appropriate for me to be reading sex advice columns. If you aren’t a fan of his column, then you may know him as the creator of the It Gets Better project.
2. I’m getting married. And I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage, and what marriage means.
Savage is in a long-term relationship and is raising a son (and one-eyed, deaf, brain-damaged) dog with his partner. And he’s getting a lot of pressure from his mom to turn his 10-year anniversary party into a wedding. He’s not sure how he feels about it when it’s not legal (is it a sham?) and is worried it’s a jinx. His boyfriend thinks its acting like straight people. And their 6 year old son is firmly opposed. They consider getting “property of” tattoos, but there’s the whole jinx factor. And the idea that every time they discuss it, they get so turned on that they can’t discuss it without having sex, and then never finish the conversation.
So, the memoir is essentially the story of that year and the conversation they have with their families and child and each other, interspersed with some potentially harrowing tales of a road trip that a gay couple has to take through North Dakota. And an actual laugh out loud funny scene about their poor son’s medical issue while on the road.
I really loved this book. And while I’m not in a same-sex relationship, I’ve wrestled with a lot of the same questions about marriage that Savage is. Marriage doesn’t have a great track record in my family. Frank and I have been “married” for years in the sense that we’ve done a bit to make sure we’re each legally protected if something should happen to the other. He’s on my health insurance. We have a dog. We’re atheists.
Why get married?
And yet? I can’t wait. As Savage’s son points out – its about the promise. We make a promise to each every morning – not verbally, just … by living. By coming home and doing the dishes and picking up the dog poop and building a life together. It’s an ongoing promise to be partners. But getting up there? In front of people we love, and making those promises out loud? I don’t want to pass that opportunity up.
The fact that the legal stuff becomes way easier doesn’t hurt. And it kills me that the option isn’t there for every couple, and that some people are made to feel like their marriages aren’t as valid as others. And I’ll put my money where my mouth is. I just made a donation to Freedom to Marry. Consider the same?
What To Drink — A margarita. I know, I’m supposed to recommend a wine, but they kept talking about margaritas, so now it’s all I can think about.
That is such a wonderful way to look at marriage….enjoy every second of your planning and anticipation of your “new life” together with your future hub!